I Thought Leaving Would Feel Like Freedom.

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  After a month, everything seems so normal and dull... as if nothing ever happened. I am happy, but I feel empty. I waited for this for the longest time... three years and counting. I honestly did not like how I left things. It felt rushed. It felt sad. And honestly, if I could go back in time... I would probably do it the same way. I can't help but blame myself for leaving a toxic environment. I was suffering. Scars have been drawn on my body. Unwanted habits have now become normal for me. I feel restless. I am exhausted. I am tired, yet I feel like I don't deserve sleep. Why, though? I only left because I was tired of being exploited. I want to be selfish. I want to put myself first. I have been nothing but a dirty doormat. My mind, soul, and body crave peace and sleep, but I feel like the moment I lay down, I will fall behind. Am I over exaggerating my grief? Or am I trying to convince myself that leaving was the wrong step? I feel lonely. I don't crave people to intera...
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How I’m Fighting Procrastination To Build the Life I Want

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There’s this quote that’s been sitting with me lately: "The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived.”

And oh my God… it hits.

I’ve been realizing how many times I’ve said, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” or “I’ll start next week,” only to end up scrolling through Instagram or sleeping instead 😭💔. 

It’s like I give excuses just to skip what I know I should be doing🥺. And it’s not something I’m proud of🤧💔

Because honestly, excuses make today easier, but tomorrow harder 😕❤️‍🩹.

The wild part?

 It’s taken me 6 whole months to understand myself better 🥹❤️ to figure out what I truly want to do and what direction I want to go. 

And I’ve learned that all those restarts, mistakes, and try and errors weren’t a waste. 

They were part of the process.

Failure is just a bruise not a tattoo🥹🧡. Each failure was one step closer to success 😭😭😭♥️♥️♥️

But now that I’ve finally figured things out… the spirit of procrastination is still haunting 😭. 

Like, I KNOW what I want, but I still feel too tired, too overwhelmed.

What if it doesn’t work 😖?

What if no one notices 😖?

What if I put in the work and nothing changes 😖?

And I know I’m not alone in this🥲. 

We all want the success, but sometimes the process feels heavier than we expected🙁.  

And I’ve learned that the key is choosing progress over perfection🎀💖. 

Not waiting for everything to feel right or easy but just starting🥴💜.

Even if it’s messy🥴

Even if I’m scared🥴

Even if I’m tired🥴

Because time really does fly, and as my mom says time lost can never be gained 🕑💔

So I’m deciding now… I want to be proud of myself. 

Not just for the results, but for showing up. For trying. For choosing my future self over temporary comfort❤️‍🩹

I’m done letting laziness write my story.

It’s time to turn the page 💌💕

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